Pity Threw A Party...

Perspective.

Everything in life has to be evaluated with perspective.

This past weekend I attended a women's retreat. This was not your typical, high energy, fun, stuff your face, stay up until midnight playing games retreat.

This was also not, sing some songs, hear a speaker, get emotionally touched, go home type of a retreat.

This was all about experiencing God. Listening to God. At one point, they even had us bring our pillows and rest - soaking in God's love for us.

It really was a retreat - a rest. But it was emotionally draining as well. Sort of a "dutch uncle talk" with Jesus kind of draining.

Our speaker had been in a horrible car accident when she was 34. She was a mom to two young children at the time. The accident left her a quadriplegic.

When you think of all the things we moms do - especially with young children - the idea of being physically helpless is overwhelming.

She talked a little about her accident, but the words that she spoke about how we "plug" the connection we have to God's love, is what really touched me.

She described three things that hinder us from receiving God's love. I'm sure there are probably more, but these three were enough to start with!

1. Self-pity
2. Unbelief
3. Unforgiveness

No dancing around the issue there!

Self-pity is one that I definitely struggle with - big time. But she talked about perspective. One man that had been at the same rehab facility she was at came back to visit while she was there. He, too, had a major spinal cord injury, but with rehab, had been able to walk again and almost completely recover. When he talked with the current patients, they asked him how he was doing. I'm sure they were expecting some encouragement, some inspiration. Instead, he complained that he was unable to type as quickly as he had before the accident. Here he was talking to people that couldn't walk, couldn't use their arms and complaining about not typing quickly.

There are many things I complain about. I am a "glass half empty" person. I am the man complaining about typing too slow.

The solution?

Gratitude.

Recognizing the blessings.

Proclaiming God's goodness.

Thanking Him for the air I breathe - the children I hold - the husband I love.

Celebrating the sun - the moon - the food - the dirt - even the snow.

(waking this morning to sub zero temps makes this even more difficult!)

I'm sure many of you remember Oprah's famous gratitude journal. Five things every night before bed that I am grateful for. Silly, but so profound at the same time.

I want to be grown up thankful - not just thankful for the day, the house, my bed - like my kids pray.

I want to be child-like thankful - seeing the bugs, the rocks, the simple things we grown ups miss.

I think God's timing is perfect - no I KNOW God's timing is perfect.

Ann Voskamp has written a book, One Thousand Gifts - A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. I have followed her blog for quite a while and felt quite a connection to her life (and not just the six kids part). I guess you would say more of an awe to how she lives her life. Simple, honest, grateful.

I am starting my own gratitude journal - to see the simple things in my life and to be grateful for every moment.

Red Sky in Morning...

I remember my grandfather and my mother quoting an old sailors rhyme:

"Red sky at night, sailors delight; red sky at morning, sailors take warning."

So, what happens if it is red in the morning and at night?

Anyway, yesterday I was reading in Matthew as part of my read through the New Testament in a year. I'm a little concerned that I am still in Matthew and we are at the end of January, but this plan says we will finish Revelation by December 31st!

Matthew 16:1-3 NLT

"One day the Pharisees and Sadducees came to test Jesus, demanding that he show them a miraculous sign from heaven to prove his authority. He replied, 'You know the saying, "Red sky at night means fair weather tomorrow, red sky in the morning means foul weather all day." You know how to interpret the weather signs in the sky, but you don't know how to interpret the signs of the times!'

How cool is Jesus! And how old is that saying!!!!

It also makes me think twice about how I am interpreting the signs around me.

When I feel so lonely...am I missing all the people God has put in my life?

When I feel like a failure...am I calling God a liar?

When I feel insignificant...have I forgotten the beautiful children God has blessed me with?

Thank you, Lord!

Beautiful

It is so hard to let this sink in and allow my heart to realy believe...

Consistency...or not...but maybe...

I have thought long and hard about this post...so long and so hard that it has taken me ten days to write. I know...crazy!

Here's the thing, I have discovered that everything I struggle with comes down to two things - pride and consistency. And since no one really wants to talk about pride, I'm focusing on consistency.

I read my Bible, but not consistently.
I clean my kitchen, but not consistently.
I discipline my kids, but not consistently.
I pay attention to my husband, but not consistently.
I care for my friends, but not consistently.
I exercise, but not consistently.
I am thankful, but not consistently.
I am generous, but not consistently.

You get the idea.

About the only thing I am consistent about is caring about me. That's the pride...we aren't talking about that right now. Well, I'm also consistent about eating chocolate.

So I have been spending time in November developing my consistency. I have been setting aside time to read my Bible. Sometimes that means I read with Jeffrey laying on my bed next to me. Sometimes that means I read with Morgan asking me questions every two seconds, "Mommy, what is your favorite color? What is your next favorite? And you like pink too?" Here's what I figure...we are supposed to meditate on His word all day. Not just carve out 30 min of utter uninterrupted silence in which to focus on just what He has to say to us. And we are supposed to pray without ceasing. I'm sorry, I am a mother of six beautiful, but very needy children and the wife to one amazing, but very busy husband. Some days I'm just happy to take a shower without correcting a child or answering questions. To find time to read and study and pray seems impossible.

So I picked a book of the Bible and am reading maybe a chapter, maybe just a few verses each morning. After I am dressed and have eaten breakfast - otherwise I fall asleep on God. For me, this is the time of day that I can focus. But it also meant that I said no to just about everything that happens first thing in the morning. I knew I needed to get this part of my life under control. Most mornings, I have read my Bible by 9am - its not like it has taken me forever.

The other thing I have done is started writing out what I am praying for. And then those things are on my mind all day, and I can pray for them throughout the day.

The funny thing is that as I have started to become consistent with these things, the other things are starting to fall into place. Not perfectly, but its a start. I am keeping up with laundry. I'm keeping the kitchen clean. I am focusing on talking with my kids not just disciplining them (harder to do with the four year old - God love him!!) I'm trying to find little ways to show my husband I love him and am so thankful for all he does for our family.

The other thing that has happened is that I am reading my Bible and seeing themes without a Bible study aide. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with devotionals - I think many of them are wonderful and really help. But I wanted it to be just me and God. Not Oswald Chambers, not Chuck Swindoll, not (gasp!) Beth Moore. Just a conversation between God and me.

This week I have been reading through Ezekiel. I have no clue why I chose to start there. Really it is quite the depressing book of the Bible. God has asked Ezekiel to lay on his side for 390 days, to eat food cooked over dung, and to not appear to be mourning after the death of his wife. Not the most encouraging. God has pronounced judgement on just about every people in existence (okay not sure that is true, but it seems like it), but here is the cool part...God's goal with all of this is so that we will know that He is the Lord! That is my goal... I want to know that He is MY Lord!