Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I'm Getting Old

There are things that happen often that make me feel old. My thirteen year old daughter being just 1/2 inch shorter than me is just one example. I remember her as being quite small still...

Last week when the creator of Gumby died and I shared the news with my family, my children all said, "who's Gumby?"

I remember my mother driving me to school when I was in elementary school. she would put in the 8-track and listen to her favorite music. I thought it was boring old lady music. That's the music I listen to now...when I'm allowed to listen to the music I like.

Side-tracked note: Am I being a totally uninvolved mother if I let my children listen to their music, and then put my mp3 headphones in so I can't hear it?

Last week I went for my wonderful annual visit with my gynecologist. I was being a good girl - it had only been 18 months since my last visit. However, as always I was required to fill out new medical history information. I wish there was a box to check that said nothing has changed since the last time! and skip answer questions about if I've ever had arthritis or emphysema or any other horrible disease. Never mind the fact that all of my medical records are on file here since I don't have any other doctor.

I do love that I get to skip the family history questions since I was adopted and have no medical information about my biological family. The only thing we have figured out is that there are blue eyes somewhere in the genetic code since even though Mike and I both have brown eyes our first three children all have blue eyes!

At the bottom of the form are person questions. I've always gotten a chuckle out of this part of the form. They ask questions about whether I smoke or drink or use drugs. A few years ago they added some sexual questions. A few years later they stopped referring to "spouse" and substituted "partner". This year this part was revised again. Here are the questions they asked...

1. Do you smoke? yes or no How many packs a day? Are you smoking now?

Ah, hello, there is a no smoking sign above my head so I hope not!

2. Do you drink? yes or no How many oz. per day? When did you start drinking?

Do people really measure their alcohol? Since my drinking consists of a 4 oz glass once every two months, I just said no.

3. Do you use IV drugs? yes or no When was the last time you used them?

What about other drugs? Don't care so much to know about them?

4. Are you sexually active? yes or no Have you ever had sex? yes or no # of partners?
Male/Female/Both Do you use contraception?

WHAT????? Did that just ask me if I have sex with males/females/or both????? I was shocked!!!! and disgusted...I admit it. I try to have unconditional love...I know that God's word says that God sees sin as sin...and I try...but this was so unexpected that it threw me. I did pull it together enough to circle male. And wondered what the gray-haired lady sitting next to me would think when she got to that part of the questionnaire. Lord, I hope she doesn't have a heart attack, because I just about did!

But then the questions continued as if it was just a routine question...

5. Do you exercise? yes or no How often?

Wait a min...that was a heavy question and we just moved on like it was nothing...

6. Do you feel safe? yes or no Are you afraid of your partner? Does your partner force you to have sex?

It was tempting to answer yes. Oh I kid. I love my husband and he would NEVER force me to have sex. But you gotta admit, men and women look at sex differently. Men NEED it. I would be happy if my husband just hugged me and did the dishes.

So I am old...old-fashion...I like my slow-and-softer-so-I-can-understand-the-words music. I think sex is for marriage between a man and a woman. And apparently I have reached an age where the gynecologist starts talking about menopause.


Deedee said...

Thanks for that! I haven't had a good laugh in days!! Hehehe! I can relate to most of it - especially the shock at the questions asked these days. - Deb

Chris said...

Josh is sitting here next to me on the couch asking what on earth is so funny. I love you.

shannon said...

Amen Sista!!!(with the answer to #6)- Also I think I might have to check our questionnaire when I go next time!

Becca said...

I challenge your last thought, I do! IF say, you had a husband that didn't express his need so readily and you wondered if he had a need at all...this is just hypothetical...I believe you would want what you thought you couldn't would become {{GASP!!}} the pursuer...I would know nothing about this, of course.

Ivymamma said...

True Becca! I have heard several women express that thought. It is definitely a perspective I need to address.